The real reason you keep giving up on language learning

You might have started learning a different language, and a few weeks or months in you've given up, and you're wondering why. Why is it so hard to stay consistent and motivated over the long term?

The biggest reason is psychological. It's to do with the reward system in your brain. Every time you do something well, you normally feel a reward. But in the early days of learning a language, it takes a long time to feel that.

I'm James. I'm a native English speaker and I help people reach their language goals.

What babies get that adults don't

Think of babies or young kids trying to say a word. If they say "thirsty" or "hungry" or "cold", their parents and family give them a lot of praise, even for trying. They don't tell off a young child for saying the wrong word or being grammatically incorrect, and they don't say "you got 70% while asking for a sandwich".

When we get to school, it changes. We have exams and tests, and making mistakes is bad, because you have to get top marks. The teacher uses those values to measure who's on track and who's falling behind. That's one reason a young child learning a language finds it so much easier: success is trying to speak. They say "I hungry" and the parents understand and give them food. They get encouraged even for one word.

By the time we're older, we're scared of making mistakes.

We still like praise

Even as adults, we like praise. When your boss or manager says something good about your work, or a friend says "I'm really impressed", that makes us feel good.

So if you want to enjoy the process of learning a different language, you need to expose yourself to speaking with native speakers and get compliments from them. It sounds weird, but getting more frequent feedback from the people you practise with makes a difference. If you're on a language app, or at a language exchange near you (just type "language exchange near me" into Google), and you're making an effort to speak, even one word or a few words at a time, they'll appreciate you for it. Most people are friendly.

If you say "Hi, I'm from Manchester, where are you from?" in their language and they respond, that should feel really good. Don't aim to be perfect, otherwise you just won't say anything. Push through the anxiety. You'll feel good about saying these little things.

You need a place to practise and get feedback from native speakers. If they understand what you're saying, celebrate it. Celebrate the small wins. That social validation makes you feel that the effort is worth it.

It's like the gym

You put a lot of effort in right at the start, and you don't see the progress. Other people do, even if it's tiny. You're building the foundations of speaking that language, but it takes a few months before you feel like you can actually speak: someone asks you something, you think of the words, understand what they mean and reply.

In the early days, you're spending a lot of effort on apps, podcasts and TV shows and feeling like nothing's going in. That's why you need to expose yourself to native speakers, on apps like HelloTalk or italki, or in person. It doesn't matter whether it's online or in person. As long as you're practising saying a word or two with them and getting responses back.

Apps, streaks and what they're good for

You might have a massive daily streak on Duolingo, but still not feel like you can have a conversation. That's because language apps are only a small chunk of the whole equation. You need the ability to think quickly, understand what's said to you, and string a sentence together to say back.

Apps are good for teaching you the habit of consistency, turning up every day for two or three minutes. But many people get more scared of losing their streak than excited about learning the language. Keep building your streak, and at the same time watch TV in your target language and listen to podcasts on your commute. You don't have to be mentally awake for it. Passive listening in the background is fine. If you're busy, that's a way to add a language learning activity to time you already spend waiting for public transport or driving.

The two things

1. Make speaking with native speakers feel good. If you get feedback, they understand what you're saying or give you a compliment, take it on board. We want to feel good about the process to keep going.
2. Make the things you do around language learning fun and interesting. If it's boring or takes lots of time and you're not into it, you'll quit after a few weeks.