The technique I learnt to stop freezing when speaking with natives

You might relate. You're speaking with a native speaker, you're having a conversation, you want to say something, but when it comes time to speak, your mind freezes up. You just don't have the words in that moment.

Because of that, you feel embarrassed. You feel like you've let yourself down. You feel like you can no longer speak your target language, even though you could previously. That makes it harder to stay motivated, because you lose confidence in speaking with natives.

The reason your brain freezes is down to a few psychological factors. Your brain has a filter that stops you saying anything unless it thinks it's perfect. In reality, that means silence, because what you're about to say isn't, in your brain's opinion, worth saying.

I'm James. I'm a native English speaker, I speak Spanish and Italian, and I have 13 years of language learning experience. I've also lived abroad, so I can completely relate to the struggle. Here are the factors behind the freeze, what's happening in your brain, and how to overcome it.

1. You're worried native speakers will judge every mistake

This is really common. It usually comes from a bad experience in the past. You might have tried to say something in a different language and the person you were talking to gave you a bad response. Maybe they didn't have time for you, or there was a noise and they kept asking what you said. Maybe you were trying to impress your friends by speaking and it backfired.

Your brain wants to avoid that situation again. It wants to feel good rather than bad. So any time it thinks what you say won't be absolutely perfect, it tells you not to say it.

Most people don't consciously think about this. They just feel something in their gut telling them not to say it, and they freeze without knowing why. But it's easy enough to overcome. The reality is that even if what you say isn't grammatically perfect, the native speaker will appreciate you trying to speak their language and respect you for it.

Here are a few tips.

• Make sure your environment is good for speaking. If you say something in English and the person doesn't quite hear you because there's a lot of noise, that's not your English being bad, it's the environment. If it's too noisy to practise your target language, go somewhere quieter.
• Think about what the other person is doing. Is the waiter rushed off their feet? If you ask how their day is, they're not likely to engage in conversation if they're really busy. But if they ask you how your day is going and they seem open and friendly, that's your cue to start practising.
• Notice how they react. If they appreciate what you're saying, they'll often have open body language, laugh, smile and say "wow, you speak good Spanish". That's proof that even if you try and speak their language, they'll appreciate you for it. Over time your mind learns it's okay to make mistakes, as long as you get the meaning across.

In short, set yourself up for success: a quiet enough place, and someone who's ready to practise with you.

2. Your brain won't let you say anything unless it thinks it's perfect

It's like giving a presentation to lots of people, even in English. You're ready to speak, and then nothing comes out, because your brain thinks, "I can't mess up in front of these people. I don't want to be embarrassed, so let's not say anything."

It's hard to control this consciously, because you don't know why the words aren't coming out. But there is a solution: start with the most basic words.

You might think you have a perfect phrase lined up. Realistically, that's setting yourself up to freeze, because if your brain doesn't think it's likely to come out correctly, you won't say anything. So use very simple words, and be okay with not knowing the correct word order or how to say everything grammatically.

As soon as you want to respond, think about the rough words you want to say and say them one at a time, in any order. It literally doesn't matter. When someone speaks English to you imperfectly, you still understand them from the context and the words they've already said. You predict where they're going. It's the same with native speakers.

Trying to say something in the first place also reassures your mind that it's okay not to be perfect, and then more words follow. You're pushing past the first hurdle of imperfection. Once you've said the first word or two, they flow, because you've told your brain, "Don't have a filter on here. I'm just going to say words as they come out."

The goal should be to communicate to some extent, rather than make it perfect. That way words actually come out, rather than you sitting there in silence.

3. You know the words, but you haven't practised saying them under pressure

You know the words and roughly what you want to say, but you haven't had a chance to practise thinking about it in the moment after a native speaker says something to you. Practising with a real person is very different to using an app or filling in a missing blank.

Constructing sentences quickly under pressure in a different language is one of the most underrated skills in language learning, and it's half of a conversation. Half of it is listening to what they're saying, and the other half is saying something back. It's that second half people struggle with, and not because they don't know enough words. They just haven't practised it.

There are a few ways to practise:

• Go to a language exchange, in person or online, one-to-one or in a small group.
• Pay for one-to-one language lessons, though that can get expensive if you want a lot of practice.
• Use something I built myself, called Voco. You speak in your target language and an AI conversation partner who knows what you're good and bad at replies, like a language mentor. It replicates speaking with a human, so you get speaking practice responding to how a native speaker would sound. It adapts to your level and gives you feedback after every conversation.

4. You're translating everything in your head

The difference between someone who isn't fluent and someone who is more fluent is that fluent speakers don't have to translate. When you hear something in Spanish, you think, "What does that mean? How can I reply?" You understand it in English, come up with the words in English, then convert them back into your target language. That process takes a lot of time, and it stops the conversation flowing.

The alternative is not to translate into your native language. It takes a lot of skill, but that's where your input comes from. If you've had a lot of input in your target language, from watching films and TV shows for example, then over time you'll know what a word means without translating it. It's like feeling the meaning of a word. You've seen it so often that you just know.

Think about words you already know off by heart. If someone said "tell me instantly what this word means" and it's a word you've seen everywhere, you just know. That's what not translating looks like. You're not converting every word into English before you get the meaning.

When you understand what's being said more quickly, you can think of a reply and give it in less time, and the conversation keeps flowing. Watching TV shows and films, with visual context and even subtitles in your target language, helps your brain understand the meaning of a word, so the next time you hear it, it clicks instantly.